dreaming awake

lately, a lot of people have been asking me how i do it... How do i stay alive? or at least awake during an entire day? i don't know exactly... force of will?

when i started school last year, i knew sleep is gonna be a rare commodity enjoyed only on weekends and special holidays... i was right. sleeping for 4 hours a day now seems heavenly. waking up is a bit(&#!

for some reason. i'm still awake. i'm wasting time i should have already been sleeping just to indulge myself and post something... indulge in old habits that reminds me of who i was before i started trying to become something else.

one more year...

i hope you're having the time of your life...

i can barely remember the times when i barely feel exhausted. i feel like i'm always trying to squeeze in 15 more minutes of sleep, one more hour of rest, one more day just... i don't know, numb? stupid?

i wanna be all emo and stuff and wail pseudo angsty and totally cliche stuff like 'i don't know who i am anymore' or 'nobody loves me i want to die' (sorry kim, that's still never gonna get old) but heck, even if there is a measure of truth in those... i don't care anymore.

i'm tired. everything feels pointless again. what am i doing? why am i doing this? why can't i just waste away locked in padded room somewhere? (okay, kidding)

i used to have a life... well, okay, i've never really had an exciting existence, but it was peaceful (a lot of the time boring...) and almost exhaustion-free. i had time to read books and browse for movies on a weekday or at least hang out at a booksale dreaming about books i'm going to read someday.

i'll get that life back... just one more year, right?

i can't take my mind off you...

(this is from you tube...)

i love this song.

you know the feeling when you see or hear something so beautiful that it hurts. i get that feeling each time i listen to this song.

just wanted to share.

makulay ang buhay

ikaw din... click this.

Result of your test :

Your results present a correlation ratio with our model superior to 89 % .
( In a general way, a result can be taken into account if this ratio is superior to 30 %.)

Your Profile :

You are 48 % extrovert and 52 % introvert. Independently of any order of importance : You are intellectual and intelligent, you wonder and you inquire before taking any action. You are also dynamic, your actions are only directed by your own will and you know how to lead people. Finely you are a manager and a structured person, you know how to take into account the needs of each person while leading them towards the set goals.

Your attitude towards the environment : facts feelings idees At first, at 37%, you are centered on your thoughts and your actions are determined by your knowledge and your experience. Then, at a rate of 31%, you are attached to moral values and feelings, and you have an emotional relation with the environment. Finally, at 30%, you are focused on the facts and on the reality, and your decisions are determined by your perception of facts.

Your highest qualities today :

At 23 %, you are intellectual and intelligent, you keep wondering and inquiring before setting up your next step or defining your values.

At 20 %, you are thoughtful and deep, you think before getting into action and you know how to communicate your knowledge.

At 19 %, you are a creative person, with always new ideas, and you know how to apply them.

At 18 %, you are dynamic and active, you are determined in your actions, you know how to communicate your ideals and your energy, and thus, you know how to boost people.

At 17 %, you are strong-willed and active, your actions are determined by your own will, by the goals you settled to yourself, and by your need to act and move ahead.

Finely, you are a manager and a structured person, you know how to take into account the needs of each person while leading them to the fixed goals, you are creative, you know how to see beauty, you are intuitive and your inspiration comes from the inside.

because silence is never really fun when you're trying not to fall asleep...

it seems weird or at least improper that i'd get a person to blog yet fail to do anything on my own. but then i don't really have a grand life update or anything of the like.

i have a new old phone! new, because it's newly bought, supposedly previously unowned and i bought it probably just a week ago. old, because it's old model, the kind that you could leave laying a round on the canteen table and not bother worrying someone else would get it since it's so passe. i'm enjoying the games though, i'm almost downright addicted to the version 2 of snakes that i drain the battery (leaving me with 2 worthless phones).

i have this thing with old-fashioned games. until now my favorite game ever is tetris (more commonly called brick game where i came from). i spent months being addicted to Spider Solitaire. i once had the life goal to finish all 32000 games of Freecell... which is amazing since i was never one for goals. i once had a minesweeper thing but it became too unchallenging after awhile. though i'm still scared and panicky in playing pacman. the ghosts always get me. darned yellow critter is a coward.

anyway, i'm still contemplating getting pokemon downloaded into my other phone just for fun.

vrzoomm....

I thought I would update with, well, inanity.

Hard to believe but I’m halfway through my first year of school again. Not hard to believe that I passed my subjects and all, I mean, duh! But shucks, time passes by so fast that I didn’t even notice it in the haste to come up with where I’m getting the next installment to pay my tuition fees. Sheesh, it’s hard to be a student… not only do I not get enough sleep but the darned thing is expensive as well!

Anyway, I’m stressing about learning to dance the first two minutes of Michael Jackson’s Billie Jean for the company Christmas thing. Can’t I just sing it instead? The darned song wouldn’t leave my head (complete with signature Michael Jackson shouts and grunts).

I’m supposed to be making a friend a blog. But then what the heck would I know about that? Hahaha

It occurs to me I might want to add a bit of color pictures or video here… Nah, too much work. I’d try to check on that later.

Remind me to rave about The Life Of Pi. I was seriously stumped by that book.

no pain, no suffering... heh

How long has it been since I’ve last been here? Minutes are dragging by like years while I feel as if time is passing y to quickly, not even giving me the chance to breathe. I feel so tired lately that I don’t have the energy to do anything else but sleep. Well, I should have expected this when I started back on school. But, crap… I’m tired.

Not that school isn’t fun. School is fun. Two subjects (from the same professor) out of six make it worthwhile to attend classes. But I guess the entire point of college is the atmosphere and the interaction with like or different minded people. I’m enjoying learning; I think I never stopped loving that.

Anyway, I’m tired. I’ve said that already I know. But when tiredness permeates through your body that you can feel it in your bones and sleep is a rare delicacy to be savored… you probably get what I mean.