vertigo

I feel out of sorts for some reason. The anticipation of a long weekend and the frustration of one more day at work? I’m not really sure but I can’t wait for the day to end and just get the entire week over with… well not really. In some way, I’m excited with the upcoming break from routine as well as apprehensive with the endless possibilities it could bring. But that’s not the deal right now… or is it? Am I overthinking things again?

Annual medical check up earlier, I’m still a healthy 22 year old according to the physician. I have a small hole in a vein on my arm from where they took blood. I am still afraid of a hypodermic needle and can’t help flinching or paling at the thought… so much for fearing nothing. Life is as is, and endless wait for the next big thing, the next event in the calendar as I sail pass the days in between. I usually like routine, it gives assurance and guidance when you feel lost… I feel choked now.

I have no point, I’m just mouthing off.

Anyway, sometimes I want to put a stop to everything in life until I get myself sorted out. It’s like I don’t know where everything is anymore. I have changed so much, if not in character then in habits and in demeanor. I can’t help feeling I liked myself better before because I can barely figure out what I’m doing anymore or where I am. For such a supposedly ‘laid-back’ person I can’t help feeling anxious not knowing where I’m going, where I want to go or even where I am. I’m afraid I don’t know who I am anymore. And I don’t mean that in the emo angsty manner as of before. People change and I realize that and it knocks me off that I don’t know myself as much as I did. I don’t even write as often as I had which I usually did to clear my thoughts. Now I feel like I’m all muddled. I probably need that vacation. I need to put me in perspective.

As I said, don’t mind me.