i was thinking of something to put here while mulling over my wasted days as i usually do in boring jeepney rides hurrying to work. for some reason, i can't remember what it is... but hasn't it always been like that?
i hate it. i feel as if the most of my more clear strokes of sanity bursts forth while i'm hanging on for dear life at one end of a racing jeepney.
since i haven't really said anything here since, uhm, my birthday... i'm trying to think of anything...
...
after a night of gimik, my first real one, i was asleep most of sunday. i woke up around three am and was surprised at how bright the night was. so that's what a moon festival is! i love the moon and it was magnificent that night! eventually i fell asleep again...
i realized, i'm not cut out for the ususal night out so glamorized by almost everyone. all night, i wished i brought a book.
...
i'm speaking of mundane things. they hold no meaning even to me. somehow i feel the need to say more. but i can't. and not here... probably not anywhere.
sometimes i feel as if i lost my voice in trying so hard not to speak. but it's hard to begin and once begun, its harder to stop even while you restlessly roam nowhere.
it is not nowhere. it's something i said i'd leave behind but can't. it cozies itself in the back of my mind, burrowing deeper and i know i won't rid of it, probably can't. it waits, ready to pounce on one silent solitary night while i stare blankly at the walls of my room unable to lull myself into the confused bliss of sleep and forgotten dreams. that's why i surround myself with stories and characters breathed unto life any time i need to pulled back from its grip. i don't want to be back in its suffocating doom. i thought i knew better.
but i'm getting tired of me.
i promised i'd grow up. it's easier said...
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