drabbling...

i am being haunted by a line from dead poets society (i don't know if its part of some classic poem) 'gotta do more, gotta be more'... the same questions are burning in my mind, 'do what? be what?...'

i should go back to school. i know i promised this to myself a long, looong time ago but promises you make to yourself are the easiest to break. everyone i know as well as everyone who seem to know me says i should go back. i have a list of excuses and justifications for not going through the set plan of enrolling for this school year but the bottom line is that i am afraid as hell that i am not good enough to get back in. i'm afraid i might crumble to pieces under the pressures of work and school combined. yeah, i know its pretty pathetic... but hey!

its not as if i need it anyway for any other reason other than my fragile self-esteem. i have a stable job that's good to me, covers all i could possibly need and doesn't hold against me my lack of complete education. i'm not trying to go back to school to guarantee myself a ticket to another part of the world and escape this one (like most people still in school here...). most probably, if i do go back to school it would be to study a course that most would call unproductive and impractical.

i can argue on and on of why i don't need a degree anymore but i can't ever convince myself of it. and no matter how adamantly i believe that i need to continue my education i still can't get myself to move.

sheesh, i need to set my priorities straight.

...

since when did i have priorities?

oh well...