i don't know what kind of people we are but we all seem to be so morbidly drawn to disaster. it'd like we feed on that moment of intrigue and adrenaline-rush. have you ever wondered why there always seems to be a crowd in an accident or a very public fight...? why though?
earlier, as i got to work, there was this traffic and commotion in front of our building where one of those U-turns are. it is unusual to have traffic at 12:30 in the morning. there was a battalion of taxis parked around the building and the other end of the street. motor vehicles slow down trying to catch a glimpse of the action or what happened. commentary springs up like mushroom on damp dark earth from half-witted people who didn't really know what happened. i didn't even need to shout to stop the jeep as i usually do because night shift drivers tend to speed and drop me of a mile away from the front of the building (or i get over-eager and they drop me off a block before the building). there was an accident. apparently, after conversing on the usually sleeping guards on sunday night shifts who are now all awake and chattering excitedly and as told by a tambay taxi driver when we walked to the edge of the road to also have our fill of the accident, the truck was making a U-turn and a jeepney slammed into it's rear causing the corner of the flat-bed of the 10-wheeler to go through the windshield and kill the only (and only the) passenger. we were also provided with the gory details of rolling heads and blood splattering.
we watched perched on the front steps of the office watching the commotion. dozens of cars either stuck in traffic, parked nearby or slowing down to watch the spectacle, as if a circus suddenly came in town. we were looking at the wreck, how fragile one's life is! one moment your in a jeepney, tired and finally going home after a very long day, the next your the nameless feast of thousands of eyes with your head rolling to the gutter and blood staining the street, another addition to the statistic of lives ended in careless acts of others. i wonder how it would feel like to be that victim... how would his family take it to be woken in the middle of the night to hear the news, starting their day horribly early, shocked to numbness...
a few minutes after the wreck was gone and the news cams have gone slack, it was like nothing happened. cars speed by unaware of the life taken within that now empty area still marked with blood probably sticking in the edges of their tires. the world has moved on and i haven't even finished my coffee.
...
yesterday, i had the mother of all headaches. i hate having migraine and tasting the food you've already masticated and digested back up your throat changing their minds of being absorbed into your system and crawling back out to the nearest sink available. i slept it off.
i found myself dreaming. i just came home and was told that mama and my other siblings would be moving to a new home and leaving us alone. it has already happened once, not the dream but me and ate being left back when aj still had that cyst and they needed to fly back to UAE and have it operated on. i was okey then, we enjoyed having no one tell us off eating rice with powdered milk and milo and sugar. but in the dream, i was angry and crying. i hid under a cube in the office (wonder how i got there?) and wouldn't let anyone comfort me. i was trying to justify in my mind why i keep crying but i couldn't stop. then i woke up and thought 'at least it wasn't real' then i realized it really can't be... she's gone.
i hate these types of dreams.
...
title from the title of my friend christian's song (naka-naman!)
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