preludes

Everything feels so unusually subdued. Like the calm after the storm, I can almost picture the flying debris and clutter floating in the weak artificial breeze. But looking around, everything is normal… although a bit empty. I was thinking this emptiness might just be the after effects of alcohol, lack of sleep and emotional roller coasters, not to mention, an entire week’s forced energy. The imperceptible stress of the past weeks is taking its toll on me. I feel like an athlete suddenly run out of adrenalin. I want to wind down, sleep, rest… melt into a puddle and lose all form and function and meaning… die, well, not really. Just disintegrate to nothing. There’s no apparent reason why, I can’t find any I could justify myself with. And somehow that troubles me.

I just realized. It is not calm after a storm I feel but the one that preludes it.