It is probably wrong and dangerous to think that no one notices me. It’s this kind of obnoxious disregard to one’s surroundings that often brings about mistakes. I need solid excuses all the time, an escape hatch, a loophole. It’s funny how some think I’m pretty much a straightforward person. Do they not sense the defensiveness in each word? Don’t they see the paranoia behind it?
I have always said I’m apathetic, indifferent. It’s funny when people contradict me. They wouldn’t really know right? I really am apathetic. I really don’t care I just make a pretense to. Though it could be argued that I’m just saying this, that I don’t really see how I am and that other people who see how I act or speak or whatever could be a better judge of my character. We could never judge ourselves objectively says someone. The thing is it could also be argued that they’re just saying that I really do care. I know I don’t because I don’t want to care. I don’t want to invest emotions on uncertain grounds. I don’t like being involved and dragged into being sympathetic to other people’s stories and heartaches because I also do not like having people probe into mine. I am apathetic. I don’t even try to care, I actually try to choke it down. I am disillusioned and self-indulgent and I probably hide it pretty well.
Don’t think ‘coz I understand, I care. Don’t think ‘coz we’re talking, we’re friends – 6 underground, Sneaker Pimps
Hah! I sound like a 10-year old whiny kid…
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