What do I be in two years? Sheesh, I can’t even figure out for sure where I want to be in two days. Simply, I don’t know what I want. I don’t want. I float along life. Yes, I know it is irresponsible and horrible. Still two years is still a long way away. Too much time… enough to either ruin your life or make something out of it… or waste it all away in a half conscious state of following the motions. In some ways I feel as if I have been living this semi-zombie state except for a few moments of life that buzzes in and out as predictably as the weather.
I need to grow up more.
Have I ever really grown up though?
And isn’t it about time too? No matter how laid back I want to live my life, I can’t always pull off excuses. I’m not so young anymore to not know any better. With age comes wisdom they say and I need to wise up. I need to grow up. If only it’s as easy as taking a long, deep breath and imagining myself to suddenly fill up like a baloon being slowly inflated. Somehow the transformation of Dr. Robert Banner to Incredible Hulk (and, yes, I needed to look that one up. Comics are not the realm of my geekdom), I’d gladly choose the physical pain of growth rather than this need to grow/mature in character and … I actually have no idea.
I need a goal in life. Aside from the usual read a lot and sleep a lot more and watch a couple of movies every week. I feel so stupid for needing to think about it. I remember Sir Terado before from COCC training, ‘I’m giving you 5 counts to think about it. 5. 4. 3. 2… 1.’
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