amusing myself

i am feeling a bit overwhelmed already. i feel as if there is a lot of thing i want to think of or to say or argue with myself with endlessly. but my thoughts are as fleeting as water: hold it too tightly and it escapes through the spaces between your fingers, hold it too loosely, it spills out of your grasp.

i have thought of actually just leaving this blog to waste or just dismantling it, leaving no contrite evidence of past insanity where it could be so easily and painfully dissected and pored upon in moments of masochism and self deprecation. but nah... going back past postings, i haven't really shamed and humiliated myself enough here, i must give myself a fair chance at that first... (haha) and anyway, i'm a bit too lazy to try starting up another that would eventually share the same fate of obscurity and forgetfulness.

besides, i need something to do when i'm staring blankly at my pc during lull times at work as well as an outlet for rage, stress or otherwise. bashing someone's head might be just as fulfilling but ranting in a blog is more sanitary and humane. i always try to do the right thing...
in a way, this blog reflects how screwed up my life is: unorganized, pointless, given to spontaneous bouts of rage and insanity with rare moments of lucidity that no one yet knows whence it came. anyway, i vowed to get my life straightened out somehow.in moments of dull procrastination, indulge me with patience.

oh well...