halloween and floating heads

my throat is aching. i think i have tonsilitis... aarrgghh!!! i'm drinking warm chamomile tea which i hoped would make it feel a bit better but i'm just feeling nauseated by the smell and the unbelievable sweetness of it. sorry for those offended, i'm a coffee addict and somehow i'm craving its bitterness and strength. tea is messing with my head.

its technically nov 1, halloween, all saint's day. later, we're off to visit mama's grave for about as long as it takes to eat a box of pizza then leave of heat and other imagined complaints. i don't like being there much. i feel as if i'm the worst daughter ever to walk the earth but that's how i feel. when there, i stare of to space not knowing what to think, what i should be thinking, what i should do or what i'm supposed to be doing. i find myself staring at the candles flames and looking at butterflies and dragonflies flitting by or the trees around. then i think, 'what am i doing here? she's not here. she can never be summed up by the words on the engraved marker on her grave. no amount of candles and flowers and time spent feeling stupid, fidgeting in the heat, wanting and not wanting to cry will ever change the fact...' i should be shot now.

...

just got back from lunch break, a creepy one at that. and since it is technically a holiday, canteen's out. we (four of us) went out walking to the nearest open gas station with an open foodshop(that does not need crossing a street to) and sort of hung out there while eating microwaved lunches we definitely would have gotten cheaper if we only had enough premeditation that there would be no food.

going back, a funeral car passed by with a coffin inside. trying to be funny, we pointed it out and joked about halloween and everything. jakey screamed and we all started laughing. i think the only scary part of the funeral car is that it only has one light at the back. we were laughing all the way to the building when friends from the other company (and other floor) called me over and panickedly asked me to wear my clothes inside out immediately. i laughed, i mean: who wouldn't. then they told me why... apparently, one of them (myla) saw us walking back and saw me without a body. i laughed again but was a little disturbed. they were damn serious too, so i flipped my jacket and left.

it reminded me of the elevator ride at the beginning of shift. i was in the elevator alone and distractedly called for my floor (5th). i thought to myself, 'what if i was haunted here...?' again, i was alone, the elevator should only stop at the fifth floor especially since the only ones in the building at night either belongs to the fifth or sixth floor. then it opened on the second. i didn't look up but i knew no one was there. i closed the door immediately. then it opened again on the third, again, no one was there. i closed the door immediately, stared at my phone and waited for my floor. when i got in the office, there was almost no one in... it was just then that i remembered shift was moved to eleven pm and i was an hour early! aaarrgghhh!!!

nothing else happened. (except for someone still yammering to flip my clothes...)