self fulfilling prophecies

I am going nowhere. I say this not as an inevitable edict in my life but with all frustration I can muster… although, in other people’s eyes, that may not exactly be the case. And I bask in it, in their good favor. And I feel that as long as they still think that my life isn’t headed for the dumps yet, I’m still okay. The thing is, I know myself a bit better than the world probably does. And I am going nowhere.

I guess one of the main thing is I have no idea where to begin. I read something in a self help book our trainer required us to read (so conveniently photocopied and placed in my station a few months back) ‘it is not where you start that counts, but where you choose to finish’. So another problem came up, I don’t know where I want to end up as well.

Anyway… yeah, it’s another ‘I don’t know what to do with my life’ ramble. Do you? How do you get to know how you want to spend the rest of your life as? Is there like an eye-opening epiphany complete with a choir of angels singing at the back of your mind? Of course not, this is the real world, but then I can’t help hoping it is that easy.

I go through life just accepting what comes, which isn’t really all that bad. I enjoy what I have and where I am right now (I really do) but I can’t help feeling that somehow I should probably be more involved in the process rather than just going with the flow of things. I guess this indecision is not really from the indecision of what to become but from the want to be able to do everything! I believe in the idea that you can learn anything and if I can learn it, I can be good at it. If I can be good at something I just learned and don’t really have ‘that’ passion for, I could do anything. But I don’t know what I want to do. I have vague ideas of things I want to accomplish before I exit this grand existence but none too crushing if I don’t get to do it. I could cope whatever happens.

I feel like I am just making an excuse for myself.