future tenses

“For I know the plans I have for you”, declared the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future…”
- Jeremiah 29:11


It’s beginning to bother me that I have absolutely no plans for my life. I live life a day at a time. All the planning I do just consists of what time I am going to wake up and prepare for work and what I need to do there. I am master of procrastination that I even managed to procrastinate dreaming big for my life. What’s the use if I’m not even sure it would happen? Yeah well, it’s not really that but… I don’t know.

Anyway, thank God He has a plan for me. But I feel as if I’m just drifting through life waiting for what happens next. Waiting for the next blow, anticipating the next move of the world… all I ever do is react. I do not know if I have ever really felt what it is like to dream and aspire and be completely hopeful for my life. I think it was Twain who said that when you stop dreaming, you stop being alive. I think I’ve stopped really dreaming.

My life is filled with small and totally reachable goals that would not even faze me if I don’t get to do it. My checklist and current plans in life involve wishing I could go there or do this and then just shrug it off if it doesn’t happen. My ultimate goal is to live through this day, try to get home early and sleep as much as I could. My most constant aspiration (one that does not ever change with whatever insanity I currently am in) is to be writer who would just live and explore life and write about it not even for people to read but just for the mere action of writing. I have no idea if that would ever happen. If it doesn’t, I don’t even know if I would care that much. As cliché as this sounds, I just want to live as much as I could and explore the world around me to it’s very dregs.

What would you be ten years from now? If you ask me this question, I would laugh at you. Maybe you can just answer it for me.

(I am soooooo open for suggestions...)